Oh my G-d! It’s Cousin Jim and Cousin Oprah, and they are going at it again. The argument from h _ _ _. They are getting louder and louder as one tries to outdo the other story after story. It’s the holidays and you dread having to interact with either of them, because they have the worst characteristics of an “I.” They talk non-stop. They are both very emotional and optimistic, believing they can do anything or persuade anyone to do anything. Their favorite metaphor is “they can sell snow to an Eskimo.” Additionally, once they have the “stage” there is no stopping them. They act as if they are the only main character. Unfortunately, they are not, and their incessant talking turns people off. They just stopped competing on how likeable they are and they are each headed to their assigned seat at the holiday dinner table. We all know relatives this like this and many of us will be sharing a dinner table with them very soon. How do you get a word in edgewise and/or communicate with others when this intense “I” behavior style is around? Keep reading for insights how to deal with the “I” dreaded relative at holiday dinner time. Look how to deal with the dreaded “D,” “S,” and “C” styled person in other articles from us.
Cousin Jim and Oprah are each sitting at your table at the holiday dinner. Lucky you! They are sitting rather far from each other or they would have engulfed the entire table in their competitive talking contest. There are several ways to deal with these highly verbal “I’s.” One is to just smile and grin at them when they are making comments. No need to even say anything unless asked. Stay out of the conversation and let them continue talking. By all means, do NOT ask them a question. If you do, they will go on and on and “suck” you into the conversation. It will be very difficult to get them to stop talking with you at that point. You have given them the attention they wanted and they are “full speed ahead” talking and doing it directly at you. A second approach is the exact opposite. Don’t even have eye contact with them and turn your attention and conversation to someone else in the opposite direction at the table from Cousins Jim and Oprah. Just hope you are NOT sitting between them. If you are, it’s “silence is golden” for you or pay the price of competing for the little oxygen still remaining in the room near the three of you. A third technique, is to excuse yourself from the table as soon as you can after you are finished eating, to go to the bathroom, or somewhere-anywhere else, for a breather. Return to the table just in time for dessert or have dessert visiting with someone else at another table or as far away as possible from them at the main or only dinner table.
A few other thoughts when dealing with Cousin Jim or Oprah, or people like them. To better connect with them, mention knowing a common friend or acquaintance, and then ask their opinion of that person. In reality, they will be delighted if you ask their opinion about anything. Try to structure your question so there is an easy ending, or they will go on for a while. Finally, set up a time you need to end the conversation at the beginning of the conversation. For example, “Cousin Oprah, I need to talk with Aunt Lisa before dessert is served,” or some other excuse. That way you can end the conversation on a high note, whenever you are finished talking with Cousin Oprah.
If you want to better master, communicate with, and/or live with/work with the “I” styled person, enroll in our newly modular DISC & Motivators Certification program (Module 1 is just DISC behaviors; click here to see & learn more) or more effectively use our individual, comparison, and/or team assessments (click here to see & learn more) and/or discover how to use the reports via our A-LRN videos (click here to see & learn more).
