Oh, there’s Mom and Dad over at the buffet table. I am sure they arrived at the exact agreed upon time to start the holiday dinner. They always do! They are also inspecting the buffet table to make sure all the desserts they ordered for dinner were delivered and everything on the table is in its right place. They are both typical “Cs” and are very precise, high quality, by the book, and attending to details people.
They are so intense on inspecting the table they didn’t even notice my sister Barbara, my brother Martin and me, until Martin approached them to say hello. They both said hello back to Martin, acknowledged they also saw Barbara and me; and then immediately went back to finishing putting the final touches on the buffet table. They needed to make sure everything was just the way they like it. Ah oh! Uncle Freddie started to help himself to one of the desserts from the buffet, but it’s not time yet for dinner. Freddie and my dad Sheldon are at it again, as usual. They get louder and louder. A ”D” and a “C” going at each other. Not good! Sheldon wants Freddie to wait for everyone to start dinner. Freddie, always feeling he is special, wants something sweet now. Barbara and Martin try to calm things down, but nothing they do seems to work. Sheldon and Freddie have always been at each other, and neither seems to want to listen to any compromise Barbara or Martin suggest.
My brother and sister weren’t successful. The rest of the family has learned not to get in the middle. So, now it’s my turn. I reach into my DISC bag of tricks to try to get things under control. Freddie (a”D”) and my father (a “C”) are both very task oriented, so whatever I do needs to focus on the task. There are also other things to keep in mind with any solution I try. Both “Cs” and “Ds” don’t want a disorganized approach, vague comments, an over promised response, the use of feelings as part of the solution, or other’s opinions from anyone intervening. With all that in mind I immediately offer Freddie several other sweets options, not on the buffet table. There are always chocolates or mints in bowls randomly put on tables at our family events. I ask Freddie if he would like a handful of either of these. He says “no,” but I did distract him from the buffet table and my father for a few moments. I then ask my Dad, “can we save Freddie an extra large piece of his favorite pie or other dessert?” And of course, I ask Freddie if that will work for him. Since Freddie likes to feel special and very important, giving him that attention now AND the dessert bonus later often works. Another option is to ask the family event organizer if people can serve themselves to dinner “NOW,” since its obvious people are hungry and ready to eat. If I get the affirmative to start the dinner, even my father and mother will be happy because the rule associated with “it’s now dinner time” has been evoked. I can always just make that administrative decision myself and announce “dinner is served.” I might get a few people upset with me for making that decision, but I can handle that rather than have a knock-down-drag-out fight between my father and Uncle Freddie. That could get very ugly.
My intervention works. Freddie gets special treatment from my father and two pieces of his favorite pie (I actually asked my father if I could save the pie for Freddie, and Dad said “yes.”). Freddie decides to munch on a few chocolates instead of dinner dessert. My father is also soothed, because he feels he has saved the buffet table from Uncle Freddie starting ahead of time. All’s well that ends well. Dinner is served and the dessert is saved.
There is one more Part to our series on “Dealing with the Dreaded Relatives at The Holidays.” We look at how all four styles can get along with each other, even when a disaster happens at the family event.
If you want more on how to better master, communicate with, and/or live with/work with the “C” style person, here are three other opportunities for you. First, enroll in our newly modified DISC & Motivators Certification program. Second, use our individual, comparison, and/or team reports. Third, learn how to use our reports via our A-LRN videos.
